So today I visited the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney Parks in Orlando. My wife and I were selected to attend the taping of a few segments of the Christmas Day Parade, but at the last minute, my wife couldn’t go so I went by myself. Here are my observations.

It may be the “happiest place on Earth,” but by yourself it is a little less inspiring. My wife was scheduled off today, but was invited to have lunch with the CEO of Universal Studios. I told her I understood her plight to venture off to the dark side, and got to Magic Kingdom at 9AM. They shuffled us to the front of the castle and we stood for 3 hours while Yanni and his singers sang “O’ Holy Night” four separate times and then they directed everyone to stand again for a taping of this year’s American Idol, Chis Somethingorother. I cared less and ran to Tomorrowland.

I was disappointed the Noodle Station was closed, and rode the TTA through the newly renovated Space Mountain. When they said it was darker, I assumed it would be, but not freakish, how-did-they-do-that dark. Since I was a guest of the park, I had no Fast Pass, and the standby line for Space Mountain was 60 minutes, so I rode the Carousel of Progress for the thousandth time. I love that show! Then I ventured to Liberty Square to catch some fish and chicken at Columbia Harbour House. My good seats were taken (overlooking Haunted Mansion) but the food was OK.

I visited Haunted Mansion and something awesome happened: When fat people try to get on Haunted Mansion, they have to stop the ride and load their giant asses on. (OK, to be fair they do this for handicapped people, but most of the time its for lard-os.) Anyhow, I stopped in front of the new creepy bride animatronic for about 2 minutes! I got to hear all of her dialog and animations for the first time. Disney geeks will be happy for me, everyone else will just think I’m weird, but that’s OK.

I then moved over to Adventureland and begun to realize that when no one is with you, it’s a little boring, so I rode the Jungle Cruise and headed to the kid nightmare of Fantasyland. I saw Philharmagic and grabbed a strawberry shortcake sundae at Mrs. Pott’s and it was quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever consumed.

It was just too busy and when I realized how late it truly was, I left my free trip before the park closed. But not before I grabbed a little present for the Mrs. from Main Street. It’s an ornament with Mickey and Minnie kissing. Nicely done and relatively inexpensive. I heard Mariah Carey and the Jonas Brothers are there tomorrow, but I think I would only do it if you don’t mind standing around for 3+ hours for a free ticket.