Far be it from me to be so vain, but I like white teeth. I also like Coke products, so those two don’t mix so well. As you can see from the equation above, I found a little old-time secret that works, and no I don’t make any money off of this. There seems to be some of that going around lately on the Internet.

Buy some strawberries, you only need one normal strawberry. In fact, if you are a drinker, order an extra strawberry from the bartender and do this in the bar’s bathroom for virtually free! You will also need some baking soda. I found a box at Target for $0.50, so I imagine it can be found for cheaper at Wal Mart.

Brush your teeth with normal toothpaste first. This will help to get the initial gross off of your hulls. Next, mash the strawberry in to a thick paste with a fork and add a teaspoon of baking soda to it. Continue mixing until it looks like the inside of roadkill (seriously it looks and tastes pretty awful!) Put that unholy mix on a toothbrush (preferably one you’ll throw away as seeds stick to the brush pretty badly). Brush the mix in to your teeth for a minute or so and leave it on for five minutes. After what seems like an eternity, spit out that junk and brush your teeth again with normal toothpaste.

The science was laid out in a dental journal I lost the link to (sorry) but it has the same side effects as normal whitening does. That can include sensitivity and other stuff as well. Teeth whitening should only be done once every quarter to reduce those side effects. I had no problems whatsoever afterwords, and my wife was very impressed with the results. She told me she had a ‘better luck next time’ speech already prepared, but didn’t get to use it. I’m sure she’ll find an excuse soon enough.